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The First Conversation with a Potential Birth Parent

The First Conversation with a Potential Birth Parent

What matters most is not a list of questions or negotiating points, but finding a way to meet genuinely as people.

By Nelson Handel

When my wife and I faced our first conversation with an expectant woman considering an adoption plan, we were gripped with bone-numbing fear, which, frankly, confused us.

We were both high-functioning, professional types; it was a phone call. We should be able to handle it smoothly. We’d done our best to prepare, as we would for a business meeting. We had “cheat sheets” from our lawyer, tips from the Internet, a list of concerns and questions. We would be, we hoped, ordered and on-point.

Instead, we stumbled through the call. In the young woman’s voice, we could plainly hear the same uncertainty and confusion. We did little that showed our true selves. We never heard from her again…

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